yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
