Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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