I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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