i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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