champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
