shes about as inviting as chlamydia
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
