Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
