everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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