i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
