I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
