I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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