Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
nutella sex= disaster
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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