but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
