she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
