That's when you crack a 10am beer
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
