I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
