even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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