i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
