its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
