I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
