Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
