Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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