you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
