Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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