Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize