i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
