I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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