yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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