I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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