we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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