Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
