I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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