i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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