ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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