i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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