4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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