weddingsv make me drug and hornr
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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