I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My ass is underappreciated
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
