You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
