mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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