Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
