chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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