I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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