I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
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I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
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We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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