dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
