how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
