I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
