We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
