guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
there's paper in my vomit.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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