I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
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I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My life is pants optional.
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