How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
