I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
