life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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