Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
