i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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