billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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