we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
