in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
