we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize