My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
