ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
