If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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