White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
