We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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