Christians are straight up FREAKS
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
