I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
