Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
