Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
