First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize