some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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