So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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