this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
