Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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