is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
