I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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