So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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