She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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